Greetings, devoted readers. Here are your certifiably surreal Los Angeles events for the weekend of October 21-22, 2011, starring: Dia de los Muertos at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, Pancakes & Booze Downtown, “Beetlejuice” the drinking game, and the Lucent Dossier Experience. Enjoy!
Bukowski said love is a dog from hell. If so, then a true romance is like a slasher movie. Girl, you better not run up those stairs and into your bedroom; He’ll trap you up there! And every horror movie deserves a soundtrack.
Let’s face it. Valentine’s Day is for fat dudes in diapers and weeping single career ladies.
Halloween is where all the real romance happens. Chilly air. Pumpkin patches. Slutty nurse costumes. Masked strangers. Moonlit late nights. Horror movies to snuggle-up to. Vampires necking. And chocolate that’s better than what you’ll find in one of those cheap, cardboard hearts. Hey, boy. Why don’t you give me your real, beating, bloody heart, instead?
Besides, Halloween is supposed to be a little scary . . . and isn’t love? They both make your heart pound. Give you goosebumps. And they both make most of us run for the hills. Ah, yes. Love is a dog from hell chasing you in the night . . . trying to take a nice big bite outta your ass.
In honor of the most romantic holiday of the year, I’ve composed a list of my 5 all-time favorite spine-tingling, lip-biting love songs to woo you with. Don’t worry, honey. If you get scared, I’ll protect you.
WHAM! POP! BAM! Well, almost. Check out these photos of this Hollywood Boulevard cat fight that almost broke-out between Cat Woman, Marilyn Monroe and some Dude with a camera. Oh, Hollywood. Oh, she would if she could.
Valley Girl and I spent another sleazy afternoon in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater, communing with the darkness of the Boulevard of Broken dreams. As expected, the demons never fail to deliver a little costumed chaos.
While Valley Girl was interviewing a straggly-haired Skull and Bones conspiracy theorist, I happened to catch Cat Woman and Marilyn Monroe almost get into a comic-book style brawl with some “a@#hole” who wouldn’t stop taking their picture. The ladies of Hollywood Blvd. don’t do that unless they get paid, just FYI.
Of course, the dude didn’t want to stop taking photos, so Cat Woman took out her claws and got in his face. There was a lot of meowing, hand-in-the face huffing and puffing business, until Marilyn got involved and actually struck him with her white plastic fan. Yeah, some like it hotter than others.
The cops were called, but the only consequence was my amusement.
Venture down the rabbit hole with Shanon, Valley Girl and special guests Mr. Now the brooding blogger and Matty “B” Heintz from Los Angeles-based blues band, The Downtown Train. Injected with a jolt of testosterone not commonly found in most Surreal L.A. podcasts, the conversation meanders around subjects like seedy Hollywood strip clubs, tranny hookers and why Courtney Love is such a trainwreck. Buckle up, folks, this will be a bumpy ride.
Also – check out The Downtown Train at Harvard & Stone in Hollywood every Tuesday night during the month of October!
Leave it to a San Fernando Valley porn studio to figure out a way to ride out the cumming 2012 Mayan apocalypse in style. Van Nuys porn production company Pink Visual is undertaking the construction of an apocalypse-proof humpin’, bumpin’ subterranean booty bunker.
Yes. We know you wanna piece.
Check out the full story to view the construction plans.
Painting of a Chase branch on fire: $25,000 on eBay.
Being investigated for your paintings by the LAPD, twice: Fucking Priceless.
Surreal L.A. would like to give it up for Alex Schaefer, this month’s anarchic artist.
The Valley Girl drags Shanon into the weird claws of a Cat Show. They witness a Tarantino-esque car chase on their way to the Inglewood diner Pann’s — and discuss some of Los Angeles’ homeless celebrities, mental illness and their plans to find Clive Barker at the Magic Castle. That’s right, we like to keep it Surreal, L.A.!
SpongeBob Squarepants was brought down in front to Grauman’s Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard earlier this week for what the Los Angeles Police Department described as a “brief incident with two females.”
The Police offered no other details, so I’m just gonna make them up.
Don’t miss the Mulholland Drive Edition of Surreal L.A., where the Valley Girl and Shanon record the podcast live from Mulholland Drive, overlooking the grimy, but glittering, San Fernando Valley. Follow their cracked-out, midnight conversation, covering topics from their epic search for Quween on the Scene to David Lynch’s Club Silencio, movies in the cemetery, and ghetto bootylicious photo shoots in front of the LACMA. Yeah, things just got weirder, L.A.
We want to hear from you too. Send your strange and unusual stories to email@example.com for a chance to get them read on the podcast or published on the blog. Keep it Surreal, L.A.!